Plugging My Books Like I Plug Pussy

So, like many people know, I am an author of pornographic literature. Yeah, you heard that right. It can be called erotica, pornography, or smut, whatever you call it, I write it.

I’ve listed the link at the end of the next few awesome lines, it’s my profile on Amazon where you can find my catalog of sexy shots, hot spots, and rigid bean ticklers.

These books will set your kindle on fire, set your sex match on fire, blow up your banging booms, and cause all you naughty assholes to pucker with pleasure!

And yes, despite the fact that I write smut, it doesn’t stop me from being the class-act that everyone knows and loves. I am a bestseller and I know how to drain scrotes with words rather than physical action, though I can do both anyway.

So without further adouche, enjoy my labors!

https://www.amazon.com/Oliver-Clozov/e/B018D1PEIA/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1

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Interview with a Heavy Hitting Hypersexual (Read: NYMPHO)

In this small, but satisfying, interview with a nymphomaniac, we learn 10 things that drive most of us up the wall and give us the most satiating reveals that we have ever sought.

Our guest in this small office is Apple Honeydust (not a real name) who has a severe case of hypersexuality, or in the laymen’s term, complete and total boing-boing bang-bang needs.

OC: So Mrs. Honeydust, can you tell us about yourself?

AH: Certainly can darling, and by the way, it’s Miss.

OC: Good news for me and all our readers out there.

AH: (giggles in brief shriek) Well I have a very active pussy that causes me to orgasm even at the slightest vibration and I have this excessive urge to suck and fuck. I can’t help myself. I want as much as possible.

OC: Damn, I think it just got hot in here. You get a lot of takers?

AH: Surprisingly no, too many men are pussies and don’t like a woman that knows how to pleasure massive amounts of cock.

OC: Yeah, plus with all the sick diseases out there, you never can be too careful. I mean, some of our most epic pornographic actors and actresses died off from those diseases and others just shuffle down the road.

AH: Well, I’m clean. I get checked every other day.

OC: Okay, before I starting asking for physical paperwork proving that, let’s get along with the Q&A.

AH: It’s your party, baby.

OC: Right. So Question Number One = Do you ever get tired of being hypersexual?

AH: Get tired of sex? NEVER! I have been trying to find a man who can keep up with me and I want to keep searching for him through the mountains of dick that I have to look through. I don’t have time to get tired!

OC: Trust me, after this interview I’m sure we can go head-to-head.

AH: I prefer head-in-hole.

OC: Same here. Okay, Question Number Two = Does your family feel ashamed that you are a hypersexual?

AH: No, they never really believed it was a serious condition until we visited a therapist and she diagnosed me as hypersexual. After that, my family came to terms with the fact that I love sex.

OC: Supporting family, sounds like an excellent foundation to fall back on.

AH: Well yeah, like a strong bedframe, a family is everything.

OC: The puns just keep coming, don’t they?

AH: I thought about becoming a comedian.

OC: What do you do, anyway?

AH: I’m self-employed.

OC: Love to delve further into that, but…Question Number Three = If there was a hypersexual dinosaur, what do you think it would be called?

AH: A Nymphosaurus!

OC: Ahh, I’m surprised they haven’t found that bitch out yet. Okay so Question Number Four = Do you think Hypersexuals are more prone to condom use or bareback?

AH: Well, speaking from personal opinion, I’m a fan of feeling throbbing smooth dick inside my soaking pink poon, but several people are more interested in gloving-up so I’d say…major nymphos don’t care.

OC: Thank you for that descriptive answer. I do believe that you are meeting Tapped requirements. Might just be our Tapped Girl of the Month.

AH: I’ve not ever had such an honor. Thank you!

OC: Might…might be, nothing’s official right now.

AH: Awe, shoot. Okay, give me the next question.

OC: Question Number Five = What age did you first take a dick?

AH: 18. I was a senior. It was my first time in action with a person…instead of toys and other women.

OC: Wow!

AH: I know, you probably thought younger right?

OC: No, no, just that I’m surprised you didn’t wait till you were married.

AH: I’ve never been married. At least not yet.

OC: Well, that can change.

AH: Are you proposing?

OC: Hahahahahahaha, not in this decade, darling, but nothing’s off the table.

AH: I’ll hold you to that.

OC: I’ll let you. Okay, Question Number Six = Do you squirt when you cum like a lot of women do?

AH: I’ve never been pushed to that limit. But it’s a dream.

OC: I’m sure it’ll happen soon enough.

AH: If you’re going to keep up with these offers, we may just have to get down right here.

OC: I didn’t think your mind could be a nymphomaniac.

AH: I’m full of surprises.

OC: Well as long as you come up with the revelation that you have a dick before the sex, all surprises promise to be wild. Come up with an ad and we’ll run it.

AH: Wow…thanks! But I’m a rabbit hole downstairs, no cock here…yet.

OC: Alright, Question Number Seven = Does your religion cause you problems?

AH: Nah.

OC: Nah? No pun or sexy comebacks?

AH: Religion is not my favorite subject. The further we stay off it, the better.

OC: Sounds good to me. Okay, Question Number Eight = How big of a dick do you like?

AH: Big or small, wide of thin, massive cummers or small drops, black or white or yellow or Jewish or Catholic, I don’t give a flying-cunt-fuck, I just get the urges constantly and need them to be satisfied and I don’t give a shit. I want it. I need fucking. There’s nothing remotely real about having a small dick or a big dick…if you can use it, that’s what matters. You guys reading this need to stop letting your chicks lie to you and be proud of your cocks. Even you, Oliver!

OC: Whoa, whoa, I’ve never had complaints. I’m proud of what I’ve got.

AH: And it’s circumcised too.

OC: Hehe, yeah, it’s cut and clean.

AH: You’ve got it made.

OC: Alright, things are going good, Question Number Nine = If you had a million dollars, what would you buy?

AH: Dick. A million of them.

OC: At 50 cents a dick, I think you’d get twice as many.

AH: Want to be my dick accountant?

OC: Oh no, that stereotype doesn’t work on me, I’m bad with numbers.

AH: You can make up for it, otherwise.

OC: You’re meshugenah. Finally, Question Number Ten = Do you ever expect to stop being a nymphomaniac someday?

AH: I’ve thought about this question before. It’s not so much that I will stop being a nympho, but more that I’ll stop looking for a different dick every day. When I find that man who can meet my demands, I’ll be his nympho and promptly tell everyone else that I’m off the market. One hundred percent.

OC: That sounded like gripping honesty.

AH: That’s because it was.

OC: Well, that’s our ten questions. Apple, I want to thank you again for coming in and revealing so much about yourself. I know it couldn’t have been easy.

AH: It’s easier than you think.

OC: Hey, live free, be free.

AH: My life’s motto.

OC: So come up with the ad and I will definitely promote you for your journey for that hot shot just waiting to help you bang each others brains out. Thank you again!

AH: Thank you more, Oliver. It helps to get out in the world!

Alright everyone, that was Apple Honeydust, I hope that all had as much fun reading this as I had taking it down. Here’s to a good night and pleasant handjobs for all you dirty shits out there!

Start A Porn Company (Easy as 1,2,3)

So there is a lot of people out there who get the idea that “hey, I’ll film some serious fuck-action and then sell it to the masses for billions.”

Not likely.

However, if you want to take a shot at it, take a shot at figuring how to be the next Zalman King or Seymore Butts, I’m going to attach two links that can possibly help you out. And just to show you that I’m not plugging these sites shamelessly, I’m going to see about getting my own biz set up.

The first is an article from WikiHow, which over the years has taught me plenty of things, if though the majority I already had some basic knowledge of. Still, it’s surprising when you discover what they will roll out next:

http://www.wikihow.com/Create-an-Adult-Movie

The second, and possibly more helpful, article is for those who need a guide to starting a studio/business/basic needs. I’m going to be using it extensively in my attempt at filling the director’s chair:

http://startmyporncompany.com/

So take a big hit off the bong of porn and let’s get boned together.

(Also side-review, anything with Sasha Grey is definitely a win-win, however, just because it’s not my personal interest, she has gone into golden showers and toilet-licking. So despite those facts, I’m still granting her five stars. *****)

Is Pornography Still a Real Business?

Many people in the world today have grown up watching, reading and whacking to pornographic films, loops, books, magazines, games and more. However, when does something popular stop being a business and become a burden?

I know what you’re thinking, “Fuck, I wandered into a Super Christian Fundie Circle Jerk site.”

That’s where you’re wrong!!! This site, Tapped Online Blog, is an attempt at bringing back the much loved slam, jam, tap and wham of the past. Fill the holes with renewed interest back in the adult film industry, and not just that, but also with adult products and novelties! Trust me, as a bestselling erotic author, I know my way around the bedroom…or pool…or pool table.

The good news is that Adult Entertainment (afterwards known as Pornography to save on writing time) is not the burden you thought I would be ranting about before hand. No, in fact, it’s a living and thriving business. Some of my acquaintances in the industry have said that it has changed, but if anything, it’s changed into something much bigger and better as time goes by.

Enthusiastic teens, horny adults and golden-oldies looking to relive their days of non-Cialis-created wood have enhanced the need for more andx more readership and viewership of the pornographic world. Plenty of actors and actresses (ahem, I mean “performers”) have found more work than they originally could count. And not just that, but the world is basically an open door. If you can’t get into pornography in America, go elsewhere in the world, hell, go to Japan, pink films will rock your world!

 

So, in an effort to relieve the idea that adult entertainment is a burden, please join me in discovering every new post and getting your fill of nubile sex creations!

Shalom!