Film Review: Private Lessons

Today is a beautiful day. Not really, it’s raining and it makes me sick tomy stomach to think that somewhere out there is someone getting better head than I’ve got in a lot of years.

Nonetheless, I was rewatching some of my favorite flicks that caused me to tug on my schlong and a good one came up, Private Lessons. You might remember it if you were a horny teen staying up late at night and itching for something to get off to. Fuck, I got off on the idea so much that I didn’t necessarily need to even find the flick or by the time I did, it was only the final 50% to cum.

Anyways, back to the bitch, this flick hit me in a way that nearly no skin-flick ever did. Matter of fact, this was my fucking dream when I was a kid. It’s essentially what every horny teen wants…an adult woman with a thirst to fill and guess what? YOU are the one who get’s to fill her up.

That’s right, statutory rape never looked good on screen until you watched Private Lessons and then, it was everyone’s dream. Didn’t matter if you were 14 or 40, you wanted to be molested by Sylvia Kristel. I mean, for fuck’s sake, check out the picture and tell me you honestly wouldn’t want to shtup that shiksa into oblivion!

So this kid is the son of some rich prick who decides to go off on a “business trip” and leaves his son under the watch of the bumbling limo driver and the sultry French maid (plays the niche so good, I think this might be the film that inspired a fucking line of costumes at every Spencer’s in America!) and, of course, his fucknut fat friend (played by ol’ Ed Begley, Jr.) who wants to totally be in his friend’s place.

So the maid is soon inviting this adorably innocent kid to watch her strip and then kiss and try to take some advantages with him. This kid, played possibly too innocent to be realistic, is unsure at first but as time goes on, he get’s with the program and I didn’t have to keep screaming “BE REAL AND BANG HER!”

And I mean this woman is the epitome of sex. She’s got the legs (ooooh, my fetish) and the tits and the accent and all the reasons why I hate American women.

If you’ve looked up the actress by now, you know she was no stranger to getting stark naked on camera and sometimes, smoking out of her twat. I can’t say this was in the film, ‘cuz it’s not, but it was colorful nonetheless.

Soon we learn that this dream-fuck-of-a-lifetime molestation is a sinister plot by the limo driver to blackmail the kid into making him a millionaire. There’s more to it, but I’m not about to spoil the fucking movie for you, you horny dog, go watch it for yourself!

So after this movie ended, the teenaged me was literally lost in a state of horny attraction for the French maid and for some reason, I was also attracted to the main character, an absolutely adorable guy (he’s older than I am now, so it’s not pedophilic) and I mean, I must have dreamed about this film a thousand times over. Still, took me forever to remember the name of it for the first five years after watching it, when I did though, whew, I think I broke the internet trying to find it.

Private Lessons, literally the best fantasy film ever made! Its got laughs, gasps and lots of Dutch gash!



Plugging My Books Like I Plug Pussy

So, like many people know, I am an author of pornographic literature. Yeah, you heard that right. It can be called erotica, pornography, or smut, whatever you call it, I write it.

I’ve listed the link at the end of the next few awesome lines, it’s my profile on Amazon where you can find my catalog of sexy shots, hot spots, and rigid bean ticklers.

These books will set your kindle on fire, set your sex match on fire, blow up your banging booms, and cause all you naughty assholes to pucker with pleasure!

And yes, despite the fact that I write smut, it doesn’t stop me from being the class-act that everyone knows and loves. I am a bestseller and I know how to drain scrotes with words rather than physical action, though I can do both anyway.

So without further adouche, enjoy my labors!

Is Pornography Still a Real Business?

Many people in the world today have grown up watching, reading and whacking to pornographic films, loops, books, magazines, games and more. However, when does something popular stop being a business and become a burden?

I know what you’re thinking, “Fuck, I wandered into a Super Christian Fundie Circle Jerk site.”

That’s where you’re wrong!!! This site, Tapped Online Blog, is an attempt at bringing back the much loved slam, jam, tap and wham of the past. Fill the holes with renewed interest back in the adult film industry, and not just that, but also with adult products and novelties! Trust me, as a bestselling erotic author, I know my way around the bedroom…or pool…or pool table.

The good news is that Adult Entertainment (afterwards known as Pornography to save on writing time) is not the burden you thought I would be ranting about before hand. No, in fact, it’s a living and thriving business. Some of my acquaintances in the industry have said that it has changed, but if anything, it’s changed into something much bigger and better as time goes by.

Enthusiastic teens, horny adults and golden-oldies looking to relive their days of non-Cialis-created wood have enhanced the need for more andx more readership and viewership of the pornographic world. Plenty of actors and actresses (ahem, I mean “performers”) have found more work than they originally could count. And not just that, but the world is basically an open door. If you can’t get into pornography in America, go elsewhere in the world, hell, go to Japan, pink films will rock your world!


So, in an effort to relieve the idea that adult entertainment is a burden, please join me in discovering every new post and getting your fill of nubile sex creations!