Interview with a Heavy Hitting Hypersexual (Read: NYMPHO)

In this small, but satisfying, interview with a nymphomaniac, we learn 10 things that drive most of us up the wall and give us the most satiating reveals that we have ever sought.

Our guest in this small office is Apple Honeydust (not a real name) who has a severe case of hypersexuality, or in the laymen’s term, complete and total boing-boing bang-bang needs.

OC: So Mrs. Honeydust, can you tell us about yourself?

AH: Certainly can darling, and by the way, it’s Miss.

OC: Good news for me and all our readers out there.

AH: (giggles in brief shriek) Well I have a very active pussy that causes me to orgasm even at the slightest vibration and I have this excessive urge to suck and fuck. I can’t help myself. I want as much as possible.

OC: Damn, I think it just got hot in here. You get a lot of takers?

AH: Surprisingly no, too many men are pussies and don’t like a woman that knows how to pleasure massive amounts of cock.

OC: Yeah, plus with all the sick diseases out there, you never can be too careful. I mean, some of our most epic pornographic actors and actresses died off from those diseases and others just shuffle down the road.

AH: Well, I’m clean. I get checked every other day.

OC: Okay, before I starting asking for physical paperwork proving that, let’s get along with the Q&A.

AH: It’s your party, baby.

OC: Right. So Question Number One = Do you ever get tired of being hypersexual?

AH: Get tired of sex? NEVER! I have been trying to find a man who can keep up with me and I want to keep searching for him through the mountains of dick that I have to look through. I don’t have time to get tired!

OC: Trust me, after this interview I’m sure we can go head-to-head.

AH: I prefer head-in-hole.

OC: Same here. Okay, Question Number Two = Does your family feel ashamed that you are a hypersexual?

AH: No, they never really believed it was a serious condition until we visited a therapist and she diagnosed me as hypersexual. After that, my family came to terms with the fact that I love sex.

OC: Supporting family, sounds like an excellent foundation to fall back on.

AH: Well yeah, like a strong bedframe, a family is everything.

OC: The puns just keep coming, don’t they?

AH: I thought about becoming a comedian.

OC: What do you do, anyway?

AH: I’m self-employed.

OC: Love to delve further into that, but…Question Number Three = If there was a hypersexual dinosaur, what do you think it would be called?

AH: A Nymphosaurus!

OC: Ahh, I’m surprised they haven’t found that bitch out yet. Okay so Question Number Four = Do you think Hypersexuals are more prone to condom use or bareback?

AH: Well, speaking from personal opinion, I’m a fan of feeling throbbing smooth dick inside my soaking pink poon, but several people are more interested in gloving-up so I’d say…major nymphos don’t care.

OC: Thank you for that descriptive answer. I do believe that you are meeting Tapped requirements. Might just be our Tapped Girl of the Month.

AH: I’ve not ever had such an honor. Thank you!

OC: Might…might be, nothing’s official right now.

AH: Awe, shoot. Okay, give me the next question.

OC: Question Number Five = What age did you first take a dick?

AH: 18. I was a senior. It was my first time in action with a person…instead of toys and other women.

OC: Wow!

AH: I know, you probably thought younger right?

OC: No, no, just that I’m surprised you didn’t wait till you were married.

AH: I’ve never been married. At least not yet.

OC: Well, that can change.

AH: Are you proposing?

OC: Hahahahahahaha, not in this decade, darling, but nothing’s off the table.

AH: I’ll hold you to that.

OC: I’ll let you. Okay, Question Number Six = Do you squirt when you cum like a lot of women do?

AH: I’ve never been pushed to that limit. But it’s a dream.

OC: I’m sure it’ll happen soon enough.

AH: If you’re going to keep up with these offers, we may just have to get down right here.

OC: I didn’t think your mind could be a nymphomaniac.

AH: I’m full of surprises.

OC: Well as long as you come up with the revelation that you have a dick before the sex, all surprises promise to be wild. Come up with an ad and we’ll run it.

AH: Wow…thanks! But I’m a rabbit hole downstairs, no cock here…yet.

OC: Alright, Question Number Seven = Does your religion cause you problems?

AH: Nah.

OC: Nah? No pun or sexy comebacks?

AH: Religion is not my favorite subject. The further we stay off it, the better.

OC: Sounds good to me. Okay, Question Number Eight = How big of a dick do you like?

AH: Big or small, wide of thin, massive cummers or small drops, black or white or yellow or Jewish or Catholic, I don’t give a flying-cunt-fuck, I just get the urges constantly and need them to be satisfied and I don’t give a shit. I want it. I need fucking. There’s nothing remotely real about having a small dick or a big dick…if you can use it, that’s what matters. You guys reading this need to stop letting your chicks lie to you and be proud of your cocks. Even you, Oliver!

OC: Whoa, whoa, I’ve never had complaints. I’m proud of what I’ve got.

AH: And it’s circumcised too.

OC: Hehe, yeah, it’s cut and clean.

AH: You’ve got it made.

OC: Alright, things are going good, Question Number Nine = If you had a million dollars, what would you buy?

AH: Dick. A million of them.

OC: At 50 cents a dick, I think you’d get twice as many.

AH: Want to be my dick accountant?

OC: Oh no, that stereotype doesn’t work on me, I’m bad with numbers.

AH: You can make up for it, otherwise.

OC: You’re meshugenah. Finally, Question Number Ten = Do you ever expect to stop being a nymphomaniac someday?

AH: I’ve thought about this question before. It’s not so much that I will stop being a nympho, but more that I’ll stop looking for a different dick every day. When I find that man who can meet my demands, I’ll be his nympho and promptly tell everyone else that I’m off the market. One hundred percent.

OC: That sounded like gripping honesty.

AH: That’s because it was.

OC: Well, that’s our ten questions. Apple, I want to thank you again for coming in and revealing so much about yourself. I know it couldn’t have been easy.

AH: It’s easier than you think.

OC: Hey, live free, be free.

AH: My life’s motto.

OC: So come up with the ad and I will definitely promote you for your journey for that hot shot just waiting to help you bang each others brains out. Thank you again!

AH: Thank you more, Oliver. It helps to get out in the world!

Alright everyone, that was Apple Honeydust, I hope that all had as much fun reading this as I had taking it down. Here’s to a good night and pleasant handjobs for all you dirty shits out there!