Plugging My Books Like I Plug Pussy

So, like many people know, I am an author of pornographic literature. Yeah, you heard that right. It can be called erotica, pornography, or smut, whatever you call it, I write it.

I’ve listed the link at the end of the next few awesome lines, it’s my profile on Amazon where you can find my catalog of sexy shots, hot spots, and rigid bean ticklers.

These books will set your kindle on fire, set your sex match on fire, blow up your banging booms, and cause all you naughty assholes to pucker with pleasure!

And yes, despite the fact that I write smut, it doesn’t stop me from being the class-act that everyone knows and loves. I am a bestseller and I know how to drain scrotes with words rather than physical action, though I can do both anyway.

So without further adouche, enjoy my labors!


The Greatest Gift to Man

Hello out there to all my naughty readers and horny fuckups,

I am writing today on the greatest creation that G-d ever decided to slap on the earth and in front of the eyes of mankind. No, it’s not pussy. No, it’s not dick. No, it’s not asshole.

It. Is. LEGS!

Legs are the best part of the woman body. I mean, come on, if a woman doesn’t have a nice pair of legs…is she going to have a sweet gash to hide between them? If a woman’s legs aren’t long and thin or short and defined, is she worth slipping the kosher salami?

I ask you…

This is my tribute to the Almighty Leg. Not just the juicy thighs, not the bony beautiful knees, not the supple calve, and not just the soft and sweet foot…the whole motherfucker…the whole fucking thing that just makes my dick hard thinking about it. Some of the greatest porn stars out there have legs that drive me up the gotdamn wall and make me bite my bottom lip in anger that I can’t reach through the internet or television and grab a full handful of thigh flesh.

Damn, it got hot in this mug.

So many people out there have fetishes for certain areas. Some are tit men, some are tush men, and some are feet men. I’m the definition of a leg man. A woman could be flat chested, droopy assed, sagging cunt, and covered in acne…but if she’s got a pair of ballerina legs that I can hold during the long, good night that is an encounter for me (I last all night and usually all the next day).

I can’t describe how this whole thing started. I could blame the fundie fuckland I grew up in that caused me to only see legs when the girls wore shorts. I could blame the neighbor girl that used to wear no pants no matter how the weather was and let me touch them constantly. I think she may have been a legger herself.

Legger (Leg-gur): someone who maintains or suffers from an sexual obsession with the full leg of either a woman or man or both.

Yeah, I might have just invented that word, but FUCK OFF. I do what I want when I fuckin’ want. Legs make the world go around. Not the buck and not the fuck, the leg transports both.

Long Live Legs!

Oh, and fuck off!

Start A Porn Company (Easy as 1,2,3)

So there is a lot of people out there who get the idea that “hey, I’ll film some serious fuck-action and then sell it to the masses for billions.”

Not likely.

However, if you want to take a shot at it, take a shot at figuring how to be the next Zalman King or Seymore Butts, I’m going to attach two links that can possibly help you out. And just to show you that I’m not plugging these sites shamelessly, I’m going to see about getting my own biz set up.

The first is an article from WikiHow, which over the years has taught me plenty of things, if though the majority I already had some basic knowledge of. Still, it’s surprising when you discover what they will roll out next:

The second, and possibly more helpful, article is for those who need a guide to starting a studio/business/basic needs. I’m going to be using it extensively in my attempt at filling the director’s chair:

So take a big hit off the bong of porn and let’s get boned together.

(Also side-review, anything with Sasha Grey is definitely a win-win, however, just because it’s not my personal interest, she has gone into golden showers and toilet-licking. So despite those facts, I’m still granting her five stars. *****)